


partners against crime

by ultraviolentae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, Internal Conflict, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Spies & Secret Agents, Strangers to Lovers, Torture, Undercover As Gay, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22909177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultraviolentae/pseuds/ultraviolentae
Summary: A story of a killer who targets homosexual couples, two undercover agents posing as partners and a second chance at love.Oh, and bed sharing, of course.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Comments: 30
Kudos: 297
Collections: 99' ft 00' fic fest





	partners against crime

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #FT081

**T** ensions were high.

As soon as the glass doors opened and he stepped inside the building, Renjun could sense how stressed everyone around him was. It'd been that way for a while now, two years to be more precise, ever since a new series of murders had begun occurring one after the other their worries only grew. They had yet to find a trail that did not lead to a dead-end, every single time it seemed they had finally begun getting somewhere, their hopes and dreams got crushed again leaving them with nothing else to go on from. 

It was obvious that all four cases were connected, all twelve victims had been slaughtered in the same manner — there were signs of physical beating, electrocution and starvation, but what eventually always ended up being the cause of death was hypothermia. The victims skin always showed signs of frostbite due to extreme expose to a cool environment, the lab had come to the conclusion that it most likely was caused due to direct contact with ice. 

Just remembering the details made bile rise up his throat and hit the back of his mouth leaving its disgusting and sour taste there for hours to come. Renjun wasn't new to the crime scene, he had studied it, lived it, solved it, the gruesome details weren't news to him as he had heard worst. But these cases hit closer to home, one of the factors that gave away the connection of the killings wasn't the process, but the victims profile too. All men, all very active in society, well liked and known, and all very much gay. 

Of course they could not be certain about the motives, but the mere fact that they were all homosexual already was fishy and far too big of a coincidence to skim over. Everyone at the precinct referred to them as the 'Homophobe', just that, and everyone knew who they'd be talking about. 

The 'Homophobe' made Renjun's blood boil, as if the fact that innocent people were being robbed of their lives due to someone's messed up whims wasn't bad enough, these people were like him. It had been years since he came clean to the people in his inner circle about his sexual orientation, and then at work he refused to keep it a secret. He was gay and proud, and that psychopath had a thirst to exterminate those like him who refused to hide in the shadows for safety. 

There was no scale that could accurately put into perspective just how much he wished to catch that serial killer, leave alone kill him, for he would if he could — with his own bare hands. It felt too personal, and perhaps that would be his downfall, but he had yet to be reprimanded for how attached to the case he had become. 

Except maybe until that day. 

He had been called in for work on one of his days off, which already made him panic a little bit because it could only mean it was a big deal. Renjun begged whatever divine force above to keep him investigating for that case and that the meeting would have nothing to do with it. 

As he soon comes to find, it does. Inside the room a display of all the information they had collected over those long, tiring years had been placed at the far corner behind where his boss sat. Two other men already waited quietly, a blonde that he could not recognise and the leader of the 'Homophobe' case. Renjun asks for permission before taking one of the empty chairs near the unknown man and then greets them all with a head bow. 

It's silent for a while. He looks up at the display with 'Homophobe' written in big, red letters. The name was terrible, too vague and unoriginal, but somehow it had stuck and nobody cared enough to come up with something catchier. Not that the murderer deserved it, but Renjun couldn't stop his useless nitpicking. 

"Good morning gentlemen." The older man finally says in his usual authoritative voice. "As you all know, there is a serial killer on the loose that we seemingly are unable to catch. He doesn't leave many clues, if any, and he's very meticulous. I have gone over this case many times with Mr. Kim, we have tried to find ways to work faster, with more precision efficacy, and we have finally reached a conclusion."

Renjun gulps. He's a detective, and heck, he's a good one. It wasn't hard to understand where the conversation was going, he was very much aware of what he was known for to everyone. 

"I have picked you two for a very specific reason, a skill that you both have mastered, you are my best men for this task and we are all putting our trust in your hands." The man continues calmly and then flickers his eyes between both of the agents in front of him. "You are going undercover."

There it is, exactly what Renjun expected to hear. He bites the insides of his cheeks to calm himself down from both excitement and nervousness, it was his opportunity to finally take the murderer down, but it was a very dangerous situation too. The 'Homophobe' was good, Renjun just had to be better. 

"We have looked at your profiles, we genuinely believe you are up to this task and can, and will, execute it with, i'd hope, ease. Though we are aware that this is no easy prey, and we are prepared to give you enough time to settle. We will also have you under constant surveillance for precautions, if anything goes wrong it's best to be prepared to protect you the best we can. However there will be limitations to our involvement as we don't wish to sabotage the operation by making the killer suspect of anything. He must believe you to be regular citizens. You don't need a speech on how to do the job, though, you have done it multiple times before."

Mr. Kim slides two folders across the table, one for him and another for the blonde whose name Renjun still had not gotten the pleasure to know. "Here is everything you need to know about your new identities, please take it home and make sure to assimilate everything before the operation begins. All the blanks shall be filled by you and your imagination, but make sure to stay consistent with the small details. Again, i'm sure you don't need me to teach you anything."

He locks eyes with Mr. Kim who smiles at him, it's a weak smile however. He's clearly nervous for the outcome. 

"In case you have never crossed paths, agent Renjun Huang this is Jeno Lee, agent Jeno Lee this is Renjun Huang." Their boss introduces. "You should refrain from calling each other by your real names until this is all over understood?" They both nod and the man grins. "Perfect, that is all for now i shall make contact with you two soon enough. You're now dismissed."

Jeno walks out first without uttering a single word, Renjun was too focused on the fact that he was going undercover to care for the man's rudeness though. All he could think about was capturing the son of a bitch that kept on walking freely every single time. 

With his hair dyed, new ID in hand and nothing but a massive luggage with his utmost important belongings, Renjun gets on the car where the blonde already sat by the steering wheel. 

Of course, they should always refrain from using their real names during the mission, Jeno was to refer to him as Doyoung. Doyoung Kim, he quite enjoyed the name, and Jeno's too rolled smoothly on his tongue — Jaehyun Jung. 

The hardest part however would be to pretend to not only know Jeno but also act like they were dating. Heck, their boss had been so desperate to get the mission started that the only time they had gotten to meet up were during the other two times they had both been to a meeting, apart from that everything had to be done in their own time. Though, even then, they had merely met once, too busy preparing for the mission for much more. 

It gave Renjun a very basic and superficial idea of who the man was, but he supposed that'd have to be enough for the time being. Plus, they had the entire ride to talk some more. 

"Morning." He greets cheerfully. His heart stops when he catches a glimpse of Jeno's stone cold face, if the other didn't change his attitude their cover would soon be blown, they wouldn't stand a shot. 

"Morning babe." The other says just before Renjun's anxiety truly spikes in him. Jeno's expression changes in a matters of seconds, going from a slight frown to a full blown grin. Renjun knows then that he should've not worried, his boss had put them both in the mission for a reason, he should give Jeno more credit. "Ready?" 

"More than."

Turns out Jeno wasn't one to talk much, he had already figured that out last time but he had hoped the man had simply been too nervous or uncomfortable considering it was their first time talking face to face outside of 'work' (not quite since, technically, they had discussed work affairs anyways). Renjun wasn't exactly known as the best talker himself but he swore he had been trying his best, the mission meant a whole lot to him, more than it probably could've ever meant to Jeno — it didn't take much digging to find out he had been married and had a child, which didn't exactly put him in the gay box alongside him and the other men who had been viciously murdered. 

That had been one of the factors that most stressed him out in fact, would the murderer see through their lack of chemistry? He couldn't possibly look over the fact that hetero men were different — as much as everyone always tried to push the All Humans Are Equal agenda. But he knew deep down he was only worried because he had began caring far too much, and that was when he'd force himself to snap out of it. His worries didn't matter, they only made him more jittery than he already was. 

"Have you been undercover many times?" Renjun tries, they had been driving for about an hour already and not have spoken more than ten words to each other in that period of time. It was making him go a little insane, they could not start things off on the wrong foot. 

"Just three, i didn't exactly train for it. I have a kid, you probably know, i don't enjoy being away for too long." Jeno say then stops for a while as he focuses on the road ahead. "I did it once because the force was desperate and then they figured i actually was a natural born, and well then they sent me away two more times. Three, if i count this one."

Renjun nods, he was bewildered that the other had actually responded decently. "I understand, hopefully we won't be gone for too long." He pouts thinking of how he'd feel if he had to leave his own child behind, it already hurt to leave his parents and friends. "How long was your longest mission then?" 

"A year and two months. It was terrible, i refused to accept any missions like these for the next two years that followed." Jeno purses his lips, the memories had clearly upsetted him to a degree. Renjun makes a mental note to try his best to not bring up the possible duration of their current mission. "My son took a long time to let me in again. Don't recommend."

All of Renjun's worries of Jeno not giving his best to get the mission over and done with as soon as possible fly right out if the window. Their motivation might have not been the same, but that didn't matter. They both wanted to take down that monster as soon as possible, Renjun was now sure that they would. 

The apartment they were to live in for that undetermined amount of time was far better than the one Renjun called home. He supposed it was, in a way, a way to compensate for the months they'd be away with no contact whatsoever with their actual lives. It didn't make up for it, not really, but it was a nice thought nevertheless, and damn, they had a jacuzzi bathtub, that alone lifted Renjun's spirits. 

"I could get used to this." He jokes as his entire body collapses onto the big black couch, Jeno quirks an eyebrow at him and snickers as he heads towards another door which Renjun assumed to be the bedroom — the last compartment of the apartment they had yet to discover. 

He gets up immediately with curiosity running through his veins. It would surely be fancy just like the rest, Renjun would finally get to sleep in a comfortable bed after a long day of work — he had been procrastinating buying new mattress for God knows how long. Jeno makes a small confused sound in the back of throat that spikes even more curiosity in Renjun, it takes him just a quick look inside to understand why. 

One bed. 

Of course there'd be only one bed, they were posing as a couple, but somehow the that had never crossed his mind the entire time. And apparently Jeno hadn't thought about it either considering his reaction. He chuckles awkwardly and clears his throat. "Well i can sleep in the couch, i fit quite well there and it's really cozy."

"That's absurd." Jeno mumbles as he walks inside the room to roam around some more. "We don't know how the killer got to know details about the victim's personal lives, maybe he spoke to them and all, but there's a high chance he spied on them somehow." He turns to look at Renjun with a serene face. "If he somehow finds out we don't sleep in the same bed, what will he think?" 

Renjun opens and closes his mouth like a fish, and once he realises how stupid he looked doing so, he forces himself to get himself together and finally react to the other's proposal. "Did you seriously just suggest we sleep in this bed together?"

The other shrugs, his now light brown strands dangle in his of his exposed forehead. Renjun cursed the man for being attractive, he knew exactly why he was causing a scene, but it wasn't like he'd admit that to himself. "Why not? It's big enough, we don't have to even touch."

Jeno is right, there were no arguments against his suggestion apart from Renjun not feeling comfortable sharing a bed with a stranger like that, a hot one at that. Then again they'd need to do far more intimate things in public for everyone to see (and the killer hopefully), sharing a bed should be the least of his worries. "Alright. Hope you're not a light sleeper then."

"Worry not." The other smiles, or smirks, Renjun isn't sure. 

Outside, the streets were fairly crowded, it was still midday so that didn't come as a surprise considering they were located near the city center. Renjun wanders about all alone, he had excused himself by saying he'd go out to get groceries, which, technically, wasn't a lie in itself, however before entering through the glass doors to the small market just across the store, the man decided get to know their surroundings. Mostly he just felt awkward around Jeno and the only reasonable excuse he could come up with to get a break from everything had popped when he had opened the fridge only to find it completely empty. He thanked every God above that the other hadn't suggested to join him. 

It was a regular town, shop filled streets, clothes, food, tools, everything they'd ever need was nearby. It was nice, the environment cosy, he blended with the crowd like a nobody, unknown to everyone, transparent. However there was still a nagging sensation of discomfort, nostalgia for his normal life. It'd go away with time, after all they had just gotten there, but Renjun couldn't help but ponder if he'd ever return back home. 

That was always the question ghosting over his head every mission, and Renjun feared one day the scenario would become true. He'd die alone, far from home, as much as he had tried to accept that as a possible fate, Renjun found himself always scared to his very core, the only thing that had changed from when he was a rookie was his ability to shut down those thoughts. 

And that's exactly what he does. 

It's odd at first. During their first night together, the two barely spoke more than the necessary. Renjun cooked the food, Jeno cleared the table. Renjun drew on his ipad, Jeno watched TV. Renjun went to bed, Jeno remained in the living room until he was sure the other would be sound asleep. Their interactions were cold, or rather awkward, but that was only natural considering they didn't know each other all that well and suddenly had to co-exist in their most intimate state. 

Finally their first work day comes along, Renjun was excited to finally feel useful, and being away from Jeno with a good excuse was always a plus. He missed his alone time, it wasn't that he disliked the other, but he sure missed his privacy more than anything. 

"You must be the new guy." He hears as he enters his office. 

It was nine in the morning, Renjun wanted to have arrived earlier but Jeno's sluggish sleepy self managed to delay his arrival by quite a bit. Being early was key to make a good first impression, so it had annoyed him quite a bit, still as he left the car and went to Jeno's side to say goodbye, he still put on his best fake smile and kissed the man's cheek. 

He hoped Jeno knew that once they'd arrive home he wouldn't be as merciful. 

"Yes, Doyoung." He extends his hand out to the man in front of him with the widest grin he could muster in an attempt to look nothing but friendly. "I'm very excited to work here." That wasn't a lie, his position had to do with design which was something he quite enjoyed doing. At least they had taken that into consideration when finding him a perfect place he could work at. 

"Nice to meet you Doyoung, i'm Yuta!" The man in front of him had long hair, though for the sake of looking more professional he had tucked it into a bun. His smile was shiny and welcoming, Renjun relaxes immediately. "So, i have to return to my desk we are busy as hell today, you came at a great time! But if there's anything you need, i'm only meters away so don't hesitate." 

Renjun bows respectfully to show his gratefulness to that Yuta responds by shaking his hands in front of his face while assuring the other that the formalities weren't necessary. "I was just thanking you, allow me."

"Please." Yuta chuckles. "We are all friends here."

All his worries of hating his temporary job fade away just like that, it seemed, at least so far, that his coworkers would be great people to work with. Even if they weren't, as long as they didn't interfere with his actual goal then he didn't care. He just didn't want to return home mentally exhausted, there was far too much that needed to be done, a killer was out in the loose and the clock was ticking. 

The day goes by fairly quickly, especially compared to those where he had nothing better than to than binge watch 'Pose' while munching on popcorn. Jeno ended up watching as well, which was nice, Renjun was totally aware that he had a far too negative view on straight men and always expected the worse. Either way, he appreciated the interest. 

He greets everyone goodbye to come off as an amiable person, if he was to stay there a while he couldn't have any sort of petty fights that'd distract him for his true goal. 

Outside his workplace, waiting near the door of their car, was Jeno. The second Renjun steps out of the building the man shoots him the brightest smile he could muster before extending his arm to hold onto the other's hip. Renjun inhales sharply at the sudden intimate touch but doesn't hesitate in walking into Jeno's embrace, he wraps his arms around the man's thick neck and then squeaks when Jeno pulls him into a tight hug. 

"How was it?" He asks to Renjun's ear. 

"The hug or-" 

"No." Jeno crackles and pats the other's back. "Your day."

Renjun pulls away far enough to look at the man's face, but it was still far too close. His cheeks heat up immediately and he looks away as an attempt to look less bothered about the whole ordeal. "Productive. It felt nice to feel useful for once."

"Same."

As warm and cozy as Jeno's embrace felt, they needed to get going. Only couples in their honeymoon were so annoyingly touchy in public for that long and they were trying to pass as an to be married soon pair. Plus, Renjun could only handle so much. 

"Let's head home then, i'm actually pretty tired." He suggests and Jeno agrees. "What are you doing?" 

The other blinks back at him while holding the door open for Renjun to go in, he looked like a lost puppy. "What?" 

"What century is this… I can open the door myself." 

"I was just being a gentleman." Jeno pouts and, just because he looked so disappointed with the negative reaction, Renjun couldn't help but feel bad. 

"I was just messing with you, don't look so sad." He mumbles and before his body could react to what he was about to do, Renjun leans in to place a quick kiss on the man's soft cheek. 

Jeno was stunned, it was more than clear, but he quickly forces himself to come back to reality and act normal before anyone but Renjun still had noticed. While the other walked all the way to the other side of the car to get in as well, Renjun grunts a series of profanities to try and calm himself down from all the sudden affection they had to pull out of their asses after acting like the strangers they were for so many days in a row. 

"Home we go." Jeno whispers when he's finally sitting behind the steering wheel. 

Renjun doesn't dare even look at him the entire ride, he knew he'd start blushing if he did so and there was only so many embarrassments he could handle in a day. 

It was laughable almost, the way they seemed to be a couple of thirteen years olds figuring out how dating worked. 

Renjun snorts as realization hits him and Jeno quirks his eyebrow at him silently asking what was so funny about them hugging in front of the bathroom mirror — the better question would be what wasn't funny about that situation. 

"We look ridiculous." He says while observing the reflection of Jeno standing behind him with his strong arms around wrapped around his waist. 

"I think we look natural, no?" Jeno asks with his eyebrows knitted together in worry and confusion. "Tell me if i'm doing something wrong."

"No-" Renjun snorts again and gently slaps Jeno's hand. "Not our pose, just this entire thing, it's funny to me." 

The other deflates. "Oh you scared me."

"Being with a man isn't rocket science, just act the same you would if i was a woman." Renjun says, the tone of his voice becoming quieter as the phrase drags on. There was something about being seen as a woman by Jeno that rubbed him off the wrong way, but it shouldn't. This wasn't a case of a heterosexual man figuring himself out and using him as a toy, it was work, and Jeno was being more considerate than expected. 

"I know, but you have to tell me if something i do looks off."

"Don't worry i think unless you start checking women out, you should be all good." Renjun pats the man's arm so he'd loosen his grip hence allowing him to break free. "You shouldn't do that anyways we're supposed to be a solid couple."

Jeno chuckles softly and leans against the counter when Renjun starts heading towards the door. "Any special information i should know, master?" 

Renjun stops in his tracks and inhales sharply, he remembered now why he never went near heterosexual men. They were too tempting and flirtatious, yet so forbidden and unachievable. "Nothing. Just pretend to enjoy it at all times."

Jeno nods, as if the sarcastic piece of advice Renjun had just given him was anything he couldn't have thought of himself. Cute, Renjun thinks before leaving the bathroom and heading towards the kitchen. 

He needed a drink. 

One of the aspects of his life that barely changed with his new life was the weekends. Sometimes they'd go out, stroll around town, put themselves out there with public displays of affection, but most times they'd stay home and rest. Of course, Renjun could not simply waste away two full days off, his real job was not a regular one, it required constant attention, so they'd always find some hours to brainstorm together. Usually it led to dead ends which frustrated them both so much that they'd opt to stop pushing things when it was clear that it was leading nowhere. 

When he wasn't busy working on the case, Renjun acted like he would if he was back home alone, movies and leisure studying were some of his favourite hobbies. 

"How many more times do i have to hear that same noise?" Jeno whines from behind him before sitting next to the man holding a bowl filled with popcorn. "I'm gonna watch a movie? You up?" 

"I'm learning Thai. It's hard as shit but i love me something challenging." Renjun boasts, but then sighs right after. "But fuck, do i really need to hear "I want an apple." these many times? Seems excessive."

"I suppose that's how you learn a language."

The other pouts and puts his phone down. "What movie did you pick?" 

"The Imitation Game, ever watched it?" 

Renjun shakes his head. "That name doesn't ring a bell." 

"It has Eckbert Cucumbernatch in it." He says proudly. 

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

"What?"

"His name- Anyways let's just watch i need a break from thinking."

Renjun doesn't quite expect to feel anything by the end of the movie, much less cry like a baby, but almost two hours later there he was, tears rolling down his cheek as the end of the movie neared. He refuses to look away from the screen and acknowledge Jeno's presence though, it was humiliating to show so much weakness just like that, he still refused to cry in front of his own best friend and yet he was bawling with a 'stranger' in the room. It was too big a blow of to his ego. 

He wipes his tears with the back of his hand and sniffs the quietest he could muster. Then, as the credits begin to roll, Renjun quickly spares a single glance at the other. It comes as a great shock to not find Jeno interested in him whatsoever, instead the man seemed to have zoned out and was staring at the TV with empty, yet obviously sad eyes. 

Renjun looks at Jeno a few times while waiting for his face to cool off so he wouldn't be so swollen and red, and then when he finally feels he looks slightly less pathetic, he gets up. "It's getting late." 

"Are you feeling alright?" Jeno asks with a hoarse voice. 

"Yeah, of course." He chuckles trying to lighten the mood. "I'll be going now, see you tomorrow-" 

"I'm going as well, like you said it's getting late, so." Jeno gets up as well, towering over him as he does so. Maybe it was merely due to the fact that Renjun felt small whenever he cried, or maybe because he still hadn't gotten used to seeing the other so up close, but either way the way he feels more sensitive to the way Jeno was looking down at him. "I'll eat something before though." 

It's clearly just an excuse for them to not go at the same time, and Renjun is glad for he really felt the need for some minutes alone to process his emotions. 

"Alright." He says quietly and turns around to walk towards the bedroom. 

Renjun sits at the end of the bed, feet dangling as he stares at the wall, eyes void of emotion. There were too many thoughts running through his mind and he didn't seem able to process any of them. It felt quite stupid to cry over a movie, but the worst part was that Jeno had ended noticing his emotional state, hell, he wished the man hadn't acknowledged it maybe then it wouldn't feel as humiliating. 

"You're still up." Jeno whispers from behind and, when Renjun turns back to look at him, he finds the man already half tucked under the bedsheets with his chest barely covered by the tank top he used as a pyjama. 

The view did wonders to take Renjun's mind off sad thoughts, though he knew it was even more pathetic to gush over heterosexual men who would never give him a smidgen of attention. What could he do? Jeno was hot, there was no denying it. 

Reluctantly, the man crawls closer to the other end of the bed so to go under the sheets too, that's when it hits him. They had never gone to bed at the same time, it felt awfully intimate, domestic even. Renjun's body heats up at the sudden realisation. 

"Sleep well." Jeno says before turning the lights off and cuddling his pillow tightly against his chest — the sight always managed to make Renjun's heart melt into a puddle, a grown man with that many muscles and a resting bitch face like that needing to cuddle something in order to fall asleep was both comical and endearing. 

It takes him a few seconds but eventually he manages to look away and go to sleep as well, though that task proves to be harder than he had expected it to as he was hyperaware that Jeno was still very much awake, and laying only a few inches away from him. 

Sleep does end up catching up to him at some point, thankfully. 

Everyone has their own little guilty pleasures, Renjun's were Thai dramas. Gay ones, of course, how else was he going to get the warmth of feeling seen? Surely not through the eyes of a heterosexual woman. 

It was humiliating, such things were labelled as childish and superficial, but it was a great way to spend time. Especially when he was forbidden of going out and finding a one-night stand to cure the vacuum in his soul. Renjun was a hopeless romantic with trust issues, possibly the worst combination, but that could easily be solved by a dosage of cliché stories. 

He was so engrossed in what was happening in the screen of his computer that he barely registers Jeno sitting right next to him, his reflexes are quick, but unfortunately not quick enough. "What is that? Are you watching dramas?" 

Jeno's smug grin and amused tone makes Renjun want to jump into a hole and never get out ever again. It was far too humiliating to admit the truth, so he doesn't. "I'm learning Thai."

"Oh yeah, i almost forgot. Never saw you practice ever again." 

"Yeah." He says, dead serious. Though his skills were impeccable, they had to considering his job, the man still wondered if Jeno could see past it. After all, it was his job to uncover lies as well. "Seeing dramas helps."

"I see." Jeno licks his lips and raises his eyebrow. "Then don't mind me, keep watching."

Renjun pouts. "Don't you have anything else to do?" 

"Not really, and now i'm intrigued."

After a few seconds of staring at each other in silence, in an attempt to make Jeno so uncomfortable he'd leave, Renjun finally puts the computer back on his lap to resume the show. However, as much as he tried to ignore the new company, he found himself unable to. Usually he'd drown himself in the plot but he was scared that if he did so, his liking would shine through for he could not hold back his emotions if he wasn't paying attention. 

"Jeno."

The man hums, eyes fixed on the scene unfolding. 

"I forgot, but we are out of vegetables."

"Okay i can go by later."

Renjun rolls his eyes behind his eyelids as he blinks and then pauses the video. "Don't be so lazy you always say that and then i end up doing it."

Jeno whines childishly, a sight that Renjun knew would hunt him for all of eternity. "But i'm invested in this now." 

"You are?!" 

"What's so shocking i've been here for almost thirty minutes watching with you, if i found it boring i would've already left."

The other blinks back at him with his lips slightly parted in surprise. "I thought you were trying to mess with me, because… y'know i was watching… this." He says while gesturing to the screen. 

Jeno frowns. "If you like watching it then what's the biggie, i like playing video games on my phone at my big age too and you don't say anything."

Renjun reminisces all the time he made fun of Jeno's main hobby inside his head and suddenly a pang of guilt hits him in the chest. Seeing it in that light, it was a dick move of him. Thankfully he knew when to shut his mouth around people who he wasn't too close with. 

"So." The man says after a few moments of silence as Renjun had forgotten to reply after losing himself in his thoughts. "Can we please keep watching, i promise to buy the groceries as soon as we're done."

"Fine, you promised."

Jeno grabs both of Renjun's hands and puts on his best puppy eyes mimicking the acting in the drama. "Don't you trust me?!" He gasps, feigning hurt. 

"Shut up, Lee."

"Shut me up, Huang." The man bats his eyelashes. 

Renjun knows he's merely reacting the scenes from the drama, he knows, and yet his heartbeat quickens nevertheless. "Alright." He says and raises his hand on up in the hair. "This will do." 

Jeno crunches down and puts his hands on top of his head for protection. "Oh no, have mercy!" 

"Just shut up and watch, i won't hesitate to smack you."

Jeno does stop 'annoying' him and they return to the drama, but Renjun's brain kept on betraying him and fluctuating towards another topic, making him think of things he'd rather repress. 

Heterosexual men were a curse. 

Jeno had come up with something genius, well perhaps not too genius, but Renjun had somehow never thought about the possibility. 

They needed visibility, it had been many weeks since they had arrived and started their new life, and still yet to that day, nothing had happened. Absolutely nothing. They needed to come up with a way to be more exposed, and it's Jeno who finally comes up with the great idea of them going to a gay bar together. Usually Renjun would think those places are for singletons who are looking to mingle, but it could also be seen as the new couple trying to find friends of 'their kind' to further integrate themselves in the new environment. 

It's slightly nerve-racking, Jeno always passed nicely as 'gay' and all, but that was in a working place environment. If they asked too many questions, would he be able to keep up? Hopefully, seeing he was a great agent after all. 

"Does this look…" Jeno starts as he barges into the living room wearing a low-cut tanktop and the skinniest jeans he owned. 

"Gay enough? Yes."

"Well i was going to ask if i look good but i guess that works." He snorts then sits next to Renjun on the couch. 

"You always look good." The other mumbles to himself while scrolling mindlessly through his Twitter feed. 

A smug grin stretches across the man's face, he leans in closer in an attempt to annoy the other, except that only makes Renjun's brain freeze pathetically. "You think?" He asks cutely with wiggling his eyebrows, part of Renjun's brain wants to smack him across the face and the other, well, the other wasn't really functional from the lack of distance between their faces anyways. 

Weakling he whines to himself inside his head. "Shall we go?" Renjun finally says trying to not very subtly change the topic, Jeno's grin widens. 

"Sure."

Google Maps was a scam. They had driven around the same neighbourhood for about ten minutes before giving up and asking someone if they knew of the infamous bar, which in a way wasn't too bad of an idea considering it gave them exposure — because who else would look for a gay establishment other than a gay person? (Well, a homophobic serial killer perhaps). 

Eventually they find their way around, it shouldn't have been nearly as hard with a neon NCT QUEER sign nearby the door. Sure, it wasn't too big of a sign, but big enough for an idiot to spot. "Are we sure we are capable of this mission?" Jeno jokes and Renjun barks out a laugh. 

"Honestly? Not sure myself either anymore." He smirks but pushes the door open nevertheless. 

It's dark inside, nothing that Renjun hadn't expected but, because of the contrast with the still sunny day outside, it takes him a few seconds to adjust and finally take his surroundings in. The flags scattered all over the place brought a smile to his face, he reminisces the sensation of joining Pride for the first time in his life with nostalgia as he walks further into the club behind Jeno's lead. 

"New here?" A voice asks, when Renjun turns to his side he finds a smiley man behind the counter. His hair was brown and adorned with coloured streaks, it had everything to look weird and yet Renjun found himself wanting to replicate the look. Of course, with his job, that wouldn't be accepted, but still. 

"Yes, we just heard of this place and wanted to check it out." Jeno grins. "Seems we got here pretty early though."

The man snickers and leans on the black counter. "Well yes, the peak time is around ten o'clock and it's pretty dead before eight. But you can stay if you want to."

Renjun grabs onto Jeno's sleeve and tugs at it to grab his attention. "I told you." He glares. "Let's come by later. We didn't even eat."

"I'd recommend that option, i don't see what could entertain you for at best two hours." 

Jeno nods while sighing softly. "We'll see you later then." He leaves his phrase hanging, suggesting the man to tell them his name. 

"Donghyuck!" He chirps. 

"Jeno and Renjun." Renjun points at them both while smiling politely. "Till later then, Donghyuck."

The club is certainly more lively when they return. Even from outside the vibrations created by the music made their body shake as if they were witnessing an earthquake. It had been so long since Renjun had been in a place like that, he didn't know how to act. 

Donghyuck waves at them with the same bright smile of before and gestures for them to come closer. "Since you're new, you get one free drink to start off the night the best way possible." 

Jeno's face lits up immediately, Renjun snorts at the man's reaction earning himself a light smack in the shoulder from the other. "You know how expensive drinks are in a club?!" 

"Yes, what do you take me for?" 

"To be honest-" 

"Just order." He rolls his eyes and Jeno chuckles. 

They stay by the side, away from the center where people danced the night away without a single care in the world. Watching them already managed to make Renjun hyper, but he was still far too sober to have the confidence to embarrass himself on the dance floor. 

"You're really outdoing yourself today." Renjun says, back pressed against Jeno's strong back and with the man's arms wrapped around his torso. It was more than comfortable he wished they'd never need to move. 

"Why, thank you." The other smirks and taps the pad of his fingers on Renjun's hip. He was clearly enjoying the whole ordeal a bit too much as well. 

"Are you imagining i'm a woman right now or what?" He jokes, but his heart aches slightly at the thought of that actually being the case. It's not like he doesn't know everything they were doing was merely a ploy, but he had had his fair share of heterosexual crushes and those thoughts brought up too many flashbacks. 

Jeno shifts under him to get to look at the man's face, he's frowning, but instead of looking menacing Renjun finds it to be adorable. A wave of shyness hits him straight in the guts, he looks away. "What are you on about? You don't feel anything like a woman."

Renjun licks his lips then forces out a laugh. "I was joking, you just feel like such a natural." He waves his hand as to say the topic was over and turns around. His back feels chilly without the constant heat olzing off Jeno's body near him. "I'm gonna get a drink."

"Don't drink too much, we still haven't gotten much info."

"We won't today, we have to pass as regular people for now. They have to trust us." He shrugs. "So, let's enjoy ourselves. We deserve it, no?" 

Jeno pursues his lips then flickers his gaze towards the bar, he deflates and eventually nods. "Don't get drunk enough to makeout with anyone though, it'd blow our cover."

Renjun straightens his back and presses his hand horizontally against his forehead. "A'ight captain!" 

The way the man's eyes turn into crescents hurts a tad more than it should. 

It had been a while since the challenge of living with a stranger had begun, Jeno wasn't a stranger anymore now though, it was impossible for him to be one seeing as they spent at least half of their day together, even more during weekends. Still, even if they had gotten closer Renjun still found it hard sometimes to share his privacy with a man he had gotten to know just months prior, and there were many things that still irked him. 

For example now, as he cooked dinner while Jeno tapped away on his screen and made weird noises once in a while, he can't help but feel the urge to grab him by the shirt and force him to at least help. Renjun would like to think he didn't ask for much, plus Jeno wasn't a great of a cook, all he wanted was some extra hands peeling the skin of the potatoes. If Jeno was one of his friends, he'd have no problem nagging him but, because he wasn't, Renjun swallowed his complains down. 

It wasn't like he didn't expect such behaviour, he had often been called feminine for not only his more-fragile-than-most physique but because he enjoyed things perceived as 'girly' such as cooking or painting. Jeno was a straight man, Renjun tried to not stereotype much as he hated when the same was done to him, but it wasn't uncommon to see men rely on their female partner to do all of the chores. Men think looking handsome is enough, and it is most times, but it shouldn't. Then again, all it took was one specific eye smile and his annoyance would dissipate, he was an hypocrite and he knew so. 

Some days the need to return to the normalcy of his old life would hit so hard that he couldn't help but resent Jeno even if he wasn't to blame. All Renjun needed at times like those was to be left alone, completely and utterly alone, but that didn't happen frequently. Neither of them had friends to go out with, and top of it all Jeno was a couch potato, a sedentary idiot who never leaves the house unless forced to. Renjun does what he can when he needs his alone time by locking himself in their bedroom with his headphones in to forget Jeno was in the room next to his, just so he feels a sense of privacy once more. 

It isn't the same. Nothing has been for too long, and a part of Renjun has already gotten used to it. His brain had already started to forget how the before felt like, which was a good thing for the most part since the new routines didn't sting anymore. However, on the other hand, Renjun felt as if he was slowly losing his identity and morphing too much into this so-called Kim Doyoung. 

"I think we should go to the club again tomorrow." Jeno blurts out suddenly. 

"I think you should peel these damn potatoes, don't you." He bites, then realises he had actually said his thoughts out loud. 

From behind him a loud snort is heard, the sound of slippers dragging across the floor follows. Renjun's shoulders tense up as the noise grows louder, he refuses to face the other and instead busies himself with the cooking. "I'm here chef."

"The potatoes are on the bottom drawer." Renjun mutters quickly as if he was too busy to pay much attention to the other. "Knife is already at the bottom of the sink just clean it."

Jeno does as he's told without making a single sound, it surprises Renjun, not that the man had ever been problematic, he was a pretty calm soul actually, but still. "So, about the club." 

"Good idea, we should come by often so they create a bond with us." He nods while stirring the pot. "Every Friday night?" 

"That was what i had in mind, yeah." 

"Okay, hopefully it'll be worth something."

It's silent for a while.

"It's it nice, though? To be around your people?" Jeno clears his throat and speaks slightly louder after. "So it's already worth it in that sense, right?" 

Renjun finally turns his head to look at the other who was already staring intensely, his eyes held an emotion he couldn't quite decipher. Sympathy? Pity? Hard to tell.

"Seeing it in that way, then i suppose you're right, yes." He smiles softly and looks down at his hands. "Back in my normal life i never really put myself out there in that way all that often, our job is a risky one i fear someone's got their eye on me. If they want me dead and catch me in my community chances are i am not the only one coming out hurt, or dead. I can't do that to them."

"I understand. Really, our job can get pretty lonely. It's hard to open up, either with fear of being scammed or simply because we don't want to bring others into our mess." Jeno rambles. "I'm a homebody, you already know that, but even i get suffocated inside the same four walls."

Renjun sighs deeply while nodding and Jeno stands still looking at the other with unfocused eyes, clearly thinking about something else. 

"It's hard." Jeno says, finally. 

"It really is."

They share a quick glance at each other and smile sadly. "Glass of wine?" 

"It'd certainly help."

"On my way chef!" 

Renjun's sad smile transforms into a shy grin the second Jeno's back is turned to him. Living with someone who he wasn't close with was hard, that was true, but the man was proving to be a greater friend than he could have ever expected. 

He was grateful. 

"So." Renjun starts. They had been silently drinking and swaying their hips to the sound of the music for a few minutes and he could bare a second longer of it. "If this isn't too personal, when'd you get married?" 

Jeno hums and chugs down the rest of his drink before replying. "We were high school sweethearts, we believed it was meant to be and whatnot. Plus our family supported it a hundred percent, everybody believed we were soulmates so we did it very early. I was twenty." 

"Twenty, holy shit."

"Super early, i know. But it did feel right, we moved in together during college to see if we'd get along living together and we did, so everything seemed perfect."

Renjun frowns. "Yeah, it does sound perfect."

"But we weren't prepared for a child, and that's the sad truth. I won't tell my baby that ever, we did plan him but we didn't foresee what'd happen after. It's so stressful, our true colours came out then because i didn't have patience for the things that i previously preferred to ignore. The patience i used to direct on her i started to use on my child. Does that make sense?"

"Sort of, i don't have a kid and probably never will so i can't say i can relate." 

Jeno quickly asks the bartender for another drink before continuing. "Basically, i don't think what held us together was a true connection but rather an effort to overlook everything that we didn't like about each other. Of course couples shouldn't have the exact same tastes and whatnot, but some things really irked me about her, and vice versa."

"Didn't you worry that maybe you guys were just too stressed?" 

"Yeah, that's why it took us till Jisung turned five to finally split. In a way i'm glad we waited to make sure so there wouldn't be any unresolved business, but on the other hand, Jisungie had to deal with fights after fights throughout his childhood, and that's not fair." He sighs deeply, his drink is served just in time to swallow down his regrets. 

Renjun comes closer and extends his arm to pat Jeno's head. "You did what you thought was best."

"Thanks, but now i'm barely home. I don't get to be with him much whatsoever and that makes me feel like such a bad father."

"The fact that you genuinely care already shows you're not as bad of a father as you think you are." He smiles softly to try and comfort the other.

Jeno mirrors his expression but doesn't reply and instead busies himself by sipping on his drink. Renjun doesn't bother looking away, if he was caught staring he could blame it on the alcohol anyways so he thought he might as well enjoy the view of the man's profile glistening under the club's neon lights. 

"But why do you ask?" Jeno blurts out. 

Renjun, not expecting the sudden intensity of the man's gaze on him, looks away cowardly. "I was just thinking again about how natural you are at pretending we are in a relationship. It feels as if we're married, could've fooled me."

"Why thank you." The man smirks and raises his cup in Renjun's direction. "Here's to my acting skills, i guess."

"Idiot" He snorts but clinks his cup against Jeno's anyways. "Speaking of marriage, i remember well when i first really considered getting married. You know, until gay marriage got legalised i never thought about it once, i thought it wasn't for me and that was okay because what is marriage even? It just makes a relationship official, it's paperwork. But then when i finally gave myself the room to envision it, i realised how much i actually enjoyed the idea of being officially someone's. "

"You're telling me you never thought about getting married until two years ago?!" 

"Pretty much."

"I guess some people never think about it ever so it's not that uncommon, i just get a bit surprised because it's always been this predefined ideal for me, does that make sense?" 

Renjun nods, then, when he finds nothing to say, admires the crowd of bodies moving all about in the dark room. As he observes the scene in front of him, he dwells on the subject. He remembers sitting home alone eating his dinner after a long day of work and turning on the TV to the news, he remembers going to bed that night with a smile on his face, finally he felt somewhat accepted in society, because at last his romantic inclinations were seen as valid. But he too remembers the relentless attacks to gay people that followed from the hatred of other people who couldn't bare the idea of homosexuality being approved by the law. It was a happy memory that always turned a bit too sour. 

"Wait." Renjun blurts out and begins smacking the palm of his hand on Jeno's bicep to get the man's attention immediately. "Two years, when gay marriage got legalised, isn't that also when this case opened."

Jeno frowns but, as the wheels inside his head turn, his eyes begin to widen. "Fuck, you're right."

"It can't be coincidence, that must've been the trigger factor."

They both grin at each other blissfully, any clue was a step closer to finding the culprit even if that step was small. There was little to no use to that realization and yet joy bursted inside their chests, it was probably the desperation as it had been weeks since they added anything else to the murder's profile. 

Jeno grabs Renjun's shoulders and pulls him close into a hug, the other doesn't complain though, he quite enjoyed feeling protected in the warm yet firm embrace. "We're gonna get this guy."

Renjun looks up at the other with a sad smile and nods. "Let's work hard."

Stress was inevitable. On top of having to constantly work on the case; trying to find new leads and clues that could lead them in the right direction to finally catching the murderer, they too had to deal with the stress of their 'job'. It was impossible to completely discard all their responsibilities even if it was just a cover up of who they really were, if they acted irresponsible their coworkers would notice and begin questioning why they had still not been fired. The only person allowed to know of their 'dirty little secret' was their boss who had agreed to the entire plan — something about the murders taking a toll in their business and all, everyone was desperate to make the horror end. 

Renjun sighs as he closes the door to the bathroom. He knew what could help, a hot, long, shower, he even had bought himself a bathbomb a few weeks prior but never gotten the time to use it. The size of their tub still amazed him, as if having both a shower and a tub wasn't enough, it looked more like a jacuzzi than anything. Even if everything made Renjun's head ache with stress, at least he knew at the end of the day he would go home to a luxurious apartment — and a hot man, though he preferred to skim over that detail, it was already hard to not let all the skinship get to him too much. 

After turning the tap on, the man begins stripping down and neatly folding the clothes who weren't going to be washed proceeding to put them on top the toilet seat. His cozy, freshly out of the washing machine, pajamas awaited him on the plastic chair that he had dragged nearby the tub. After trying his best to find some sort of chore to busy himself with, such as organising all the products on the shelves, Renjun gives up and steps inside the bathtub even if it still barely covered his legs. 

He relaxes in the warm water and grabs the purple ball, he analyses the tiny details adorning iy before finally slowly lowering his hand till it comes in contact with the water. The violet foam dissolves in the transparent water, turning it a pretty lilac colour. Renjun watches the reaction happen for a few minutes before throwing his head back and closing his eyes. 

The idea was to relax, to forget all his worries and finally feel peaceful for the first time in months, but his mind doesn't stop racing. It was taking them far too long to figure out who the culprit was, a new victim could appear at any second and it'd be their fault for not being quicker. Renjun knew it'd devastate him if that were to happen, they were trying their best but it wasn't enough and the time he was wasting in that tub doing absolutely nothing could be time spent on the case instead. He knew it'd be no good to try and put any puzzle piece together after such a long day at work, he had been pushing his limits for a very long time, his brain was incapable of more. And yet, a nagging voice in the back of his head made him feel terrible for taking some time for himself. 

He should be out and about with Jeno, exposing themselves to as many people as they could to bait the criminal. But instead he was hidden away. 

Renjun sighs loudly. He knew he was being stupid. 

"I think i got a lead!" Jeno's voice sounds loudly filling the entire bathroom and breaking Renjun's gloomy daze. 

Before the man can process what the other said, he's already screaming loudly and trying to cover anything he could with his own body. "Excuse me?!" 

"A lead!" 

"Jeno i'm naked- Wait what do you mean you have a lead?" 

Jeno's eyes finally drift downwards but move back up in a split of a second, his face becomes slightly red immediately after. "Oh right, but this is important i'm sorry." He coughs awkwardly and grabs the pajama on the chair then places it on his lap as he sits down. "Okay so, do you remember Donghyuck?" When Renjun nods Jeno proceeds. "He got a letter, a very ominous one. I went to the club after work since he asked me to and he showed the content of it, and i think it's from our guy."

"What makes you say that?" Renjun asks while turning the tap off. 

"It mentioned something about fighting the demon out of you, like that he pitied Donghyuck and he wished to help him fight the demon out of him? Of course it may not be our guy, but Hyuck made a comment that left me thinking." He pauses and carefully pets the soft fabric of the pastel yellow pajama. "He said that it sounded like his mother whenever she'd mention conversion therapy, she's highly religious apparently, her opinion is that conversion therapy shouldn't have been made illegal. Basically she'd send him there if she could." 

"Thank god she didn't do it anyways, and that he's out of that house already."

Jeno nods and frowns slightly before perking up again. "But! It made me think, so i dug up online what conversion therapy uses on their 'patients' and you will not believe how many methods matched the torture our killer used in every single one of his killings."

Renjun's eyes widen with realisation, he moves closer to the end of the tub nearer to Jeno while keeping the eye contact. "You think… he may be one of those priests that carried out those monstrosities."

"Yes, it's clear that the murderer has a vast understanding of the procedure. He must've been involved in something like this somehow." 

"Fucking finally." He mutters while clenching his fist. "I thought we'd never get somewhere."

A soft smile spreads across Jeno's face at that. "Give yourself some credit, you solved worse cases no? You're just more emotionally attached to this one and it's driving you to the edge." 

Renjun grinds his teeth against each other then lets out a loud sigh. "You're right." Then, after a few moments of pure silence, the realisation that he was still very much naked and exposed for the world to see hits him straight in the face in the form of a blush. "Uh, is there anything more?" 

"No?" Jeno tilts his head cutely. 

"Jeno."

The other frowns. Then, when Renjun splashes some of the already lukewarm water at him, his mouth opens slightly with realisation. "Right! My bad, i'll go now."

Renjun snorts loudly as the other tries to put down the pajam back in their place and gets out as soon as possible — the amount of times he managed to bump against some sort of surface in that highly spacious bathroom was extremely hilarious. 

When Jeno finally clicks the door closed, Renjun goes back to his relaxed pose, except he could not, for the life of him, stop thinking about the newly acquired information. Eventually he gives up, the man feels it's a pity to waste the pretty lilac water like that, he had barely gotten to appreciate its beauty and flower-y scent. 

With a towel wrapped around his torso, Renjun heads nearer to the mirror to check his own reflection, he had definitely gotten skinnier, if that was even possible, and a pair of way-too-big-and-dark-to-be-normal eyebags had decided to adorn his face. All in all, he thought he was the ugliest he had been in years, not that it mattered much as he didn't have time to think about impressing anyone. A mission certainly wasn't the place to go fooling around especially when he was trying to convince people him and Jeno were a thing. 

He shakes his head to bring himself back to reality, there were surely better and more important things to do than worry about his physique. 

Outside, Renjun finds Jeno sprawled in the couch, phone in hand and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Renjun knows he's staring but he finds himself unable to stop, he wished he could put on a transparency cloak to observe Jeno for as long as he wished. 

"What are you up to?" He finally asks. 

Jeno perks up and drifts his attention from the device to the other. "Telling the news, i'm picking the emojis now." Renjun absolutely hated coming up with messages that sounded harmless to most but had to be clear as day to Johnny, but somehow Jeno always seemed the most excited when the time to share news came. "I said i was converted into a boy love dramas fan by force by you, and that it was refreshing. I considered putting a cross emoji but i think that makes no sense in this context so it may come off as too fishy, but i did put a freezing emoji."

Renjun snorts, a smile of pure adoration stretches across his face. It was cute, what could he do? Plus, Jeno seemed to have no clue of just how fond he had become of him. So it was okay to secretly gush about him, right? Yeah. 

The mood shifts after they finally find a concrete clue. Renjun had gotten a motivation boost that didn't go unnoticed at work, he seemed more lively and focused though his thought process was anywhere but the company's product design. He didn't want the case to get cold, but also despised the idea of them needing someone new to suffer in the hands on the killer so that they could extract more information. Jeno, on the other hand, seemed more relaxed than he had ever been. The clue gave him confidence, suddenly he didn't worry so hard about never finding anything that could potentially lead them to a suspect. 

Their job was to keep the central updated and to keep an eye out for those whom they suspected to be involved. Thankfully the emoji message seemed to have passed across to them considering the list of priests sent to them by mail a few days after Jeno had contacted them. 

"So what do you have in mind?" Jeno asks while munching on the pudding Renjun had baked the day before out of boredom. 

The other stares at the letter that Jeno had fetched from the mail, the extensive writing was nothing but a code. Of course to anyone else it'd pass as a regular letter but their eyes had been trained to see beyond what seemed to be the obvious. A box filled with Japanese goodies had come alongside the letter as pretext for the sentimental letter of a friend living abroad, everything was thought out with precision. 

"We have to see if we can get anything on these people, the central must have more info than we could ever get being on the scene, but we can get opinions and stuff." Renjun chews on his lip then puts the paper down. "Many gays hate anything to do with religion so we might get a biased reviews. Then again, that way we can see who's more hated out of the bunch, people can be very kind to your regular citizen and a total abuser to those that 'don't fit in', so."

Jeno hums. "Sounds good to me, but won't they find it weird that we are suddenly asking about priests."

"We are new to town and just wanna know which church we can feel most welcomed at!" He grins. 

"Good one." The other clicks his tongue and shoots him a proud smile. "Let's start as soon as possible. It's Monday but maybe we should go to the bar tomorrow already so we aren't wasting too much time. They already see us as their family i don't think they'd find it odd that we'd wanna spend more time with them, right?" 

"I hope so, because i also think we are wasting a lot of time trying to blend in." He looks down at his hands. "Someone might be in danger at this very second."

Renjun loved their visits to the club the most. There, not only he felt free and comfortable, but he too could enjoy the darkness to hide how affected Jeno could make him feel at times. If he blushed, it’d be hidden away by the ever changing lights that coloured their skin in all types of different hues, and if he stared at Jeno for far too long the other wouldn’t think much of it as there was not really anything else to observe but each other in the mess they’d find themselves in.

It’d been far too long since Renjun had passed his party life years, so long that after a couple of times coming to the same place he had already grown bored of pretending to enjoy clubbing, but to sit down in the chill area for more than one hour felt like a loser move. After all, he wasn’t that old, he was still in his twenties for god’s sake. “We should go to the dance floor.” He blurts out, though every fibre in his body begged to remain on Jeno’s comfortable lap. 

“You want to?”

When their eyes meet, Jeno bursts out laughing. “What?!”

“Oh man, it’s so clear you don’t wanna do none of that shit.”

“Quiet.” Renjun grumbles and smacks the man’s hand. “We have to, don’t we look a bit like two clown just sitting here? They’re gonna kick us out for being boring.”

“That’s not a thing.” The other assures him, but Renjun still clicks his tongue. "How's the learning Thai experience going, by the way? I always forget to ask."

He had barely had time to even watch dramas lately with all the hassle going on in his life. Between the workload from his job, the visits to the club every few days and their brainstorming sessions during the weekend, little to no time was left for them to do as they pleased. 

"Nowhere, to be frank." Renjun admits with a shrug. "We haven't had much free time lately."

"That's true, but after we are done we will get a bunch of free time." Jeno grins. "Then i'll check up on you and your development."

"Why are you so invested in my learning, uh?" 

The other leans forward until their faces are so close that their breaths mix into one. "It's good to learn something new at our old age."

"We're twenty nine." He rolls his eyes then, when Jeno doesn't reply, his eyes dart downwards before he could force himself to keep the eye contact. 

"Old."

"Oh c'mon! It's not like we're going to die tomorrow." Renjun whines, to which Jeno quirks his eyebrow. "Of old age, i meant."

The man tilts his head to the side insinuating he was about to kiss the other, it catches Renjun off-guard since usually they'd save that kind of intimacy to when they weren't practically alone. He gulps. 

"So then, what do you know so far?" 

Whether it was the pressure of saying something that proved he hadn't lied about the whole studying Thai ordeal, or because Jeno was so close that he could count each and every single eyelash adorning his eyes, Renjun's brain short-circuits and all he can get out is "Rak khune."

Jeno smirks. "Sounds like you've just cursed at me."

"It sounds terrible when i say it." Renjun grimaces. "But i didn't curse you!" 

"Sure."

"I didn't!" He squeaks and then smacks Jeno's shoulder in both embarrassment that his voice had come out sounding like he was a mouse and frustration from Jeno's cocky behaviour. 

"So then what does it mean?" 

Renjun gapes a few times but opts to not disclose the meaning of his words. "If i tell you then it's no fun."

"Fine, but i will assume you cursed at me."

"You deserve anyways."

Jeno leans back while gasping dramatically and places the palm of his hand on top of his chest. "How could you…"

In moments like those Renjun found it terribly hard to separate reality from their mission, for everything resembled a version of what it was really like to grow closer to a new partner, in those moments he feared his feelings were becoming too real as well. Because right there and then, as he stared at Jeno's puppy eyes while the man feigned sadness, he couldn't help but feel the urge to pull him close and kiss him until their lips hurt. 

And so he does, expecting Jeno to pull away mere seconds after. 

Except he doesn't. 

Work was work, Renjun hadn't instantly become an agent, before that he had actually worked behind a desk as well before getting into his real job. The slow pace of things was unusual to him now, but it meant he could have time to think of the case here and there even if it sometimes got boring. 

There were some days, though, where work magically seemed to pile up from overnight and Renjun found himself drowning in schedules and projects with barely any time to even breathe. Those days the only thing he looked forward to was lunch time, his sweet one hour lunch break that allowed him to rest for a short while. Not only that but because he had managed to hit it off well with his coworkers, Renjun actually managed to relax and get an energy boost by sitting down for a chat with whoever chose to eat at the same time as him. 

Usually it was Yuta, they shared the office so most times the man would remind Renjun to go eat and they'd go together. But he wasn't the only friend Renjun had made there, Yeji and Jungwoo also became closer to him due to their frequent talks during lunch. It felt nice to have someone to talk to that wasn't Jeno, though he couldn't be himself entirely it still was like a lump of fresh air. 

"I'm just so glad i have them, you know?" He sighs. "Having someone so normal around makes this mission more bearable."

"Am i not normal?" 

"No way. We're in this crazy mission together, it's so hard to forget what i'm currently living for when your face constantly reminds me of it."

Jeno's grip around Renjun's torso tightens making the other whine for him to loosen up. It was far too hot inside the club for them to be glued to each other in that way, but somehow they'd always end up in that way. Not that Renjun was mad about it, not at all, but he didn't enjoy how sweaty the closeness of it all made him become each time. 

"Honestly i wake up and the thing i look forward to the most is being with them. We don't even talk about anything all that important but it's just nice to chat aimlessly about gossip or something of the sort."

Jeno doesn't utter a single word, which is odd considering the other always tried to reply even if with just a hum. Renjun understood when he wasn't in the mood to chat, but a simple hum didn't take that much effort.

"Are you listening?" He quirks his eyebrow at the man who stares back with a serene expression. "Something on your mind?" 

No change. It was as if Jeno had gone into autopilot mode and forgotten to press start. They stare at each other in silence for quite some time and then, just as Renjun was about to give up and shrug it off, Jeno puts the palm of his hand on the man's cheek to keep it in place. 

"Can i kiss you?" He asks, his voice coming out raspier than usual.

Renjun's eyes widen at the sudden request, usually they wouldn't ask each other for consent since it was expected of them to kiss when they were out anyways. So, the fact that Jeno had hesitated, meant he didn't want to kiss merely for those around them. The realisation is almost too much to handle, so he refuses to believe his assumption was right. 

"Of course, you don't need to ask." The man chuckles awkwardly. 

Jeno's face remains serious. "No, i really want to kiss you."

Renjun blinks a few times and gapes while trying to form a coherent response, though that was harder than usual when his brain was short-circuiting. "I- Sure? What's gotten into you?" 

The other leans forward, the tip of his nose grazes near Renjun's cheek from just how close they were. He swallow down hard as he waits for Jeno's lips to touch his, but that doesn't happen. "It's been a wish of mine for quite a while actually, but i wasn't certain until now."

"Oh." Renjun wheezes out. "Why are you sure now?" 

His mind was cloudy, in any other situation he wouldn't be so brave, but alcohol did wonders when it came to his boldness and self esteem. Plus, it was hard to think straight when he could feel Jeno's breath hit his skin every so often. 

"Because i wanted to be Yuta so hard just now." He growls, his hands grasp firmly onto Renjun's hip. "And have you praise me that same way."

Their eyes lock and Renjun completely loses any semblance of self control. Jeno was driving him insane, he couldn't even properly register that everything that was happening was actually, in fact, real. But even so, even if it all turned out to be a dream, he didn't care. All he cared about was to connect their lips into a needy kiss. 

Jeno seems to wake up then, his sluggish demeanour of before disappears entirely and, instead, he kisses Renjun with so much intensity that it makes it terribly hard for the other to breathe, so much so that he becomes even more light-headed than he already was. It felt as if he was ascending into heaven. 

Renjun pulls away to breathe. While he takes his sweet time to fill his lungs with much needed oxygen, Jeno busies himself by adorning the man's neck with kisses and tiny soft bites as well. "Don't do that…" 

The other stops and looks into his eyes with a sad expression. "Why?" 

"I'll want more." He admits, a blush begins forming on his face because, even though he was drunk, he was still very much aware of what was happening. 

"I want more." Jeno says boldly before attaching his mouth to the man's neck once more. 

Renjun pinches himself, just to check if what was happening was indeed true, but even when the pain tickles his skin, he finds it very hard to believe it. 

However, instead of dwelling upon it, he decides to close his eyes and enjoy the sensations shooting all over his body. 

A pair of big strong hands pin him against the entrance of the apartment, enabling him from moving a single inch from where he stood, but it wasn't as if he was trying to get away from the gentle kisses being peppered all over his neck in the first place. He closes his eyes and sucks in a lump of air that he later exhales as a gentle moan when Jeno's teeth drag along his collarbone. 

"I wanna fuck you."

He doesn't react, nothing even feels real, Renjun is still wondering if he's in a dream after all that time. 

"Can i?" 

He opens his eyes again and what he finds is a puppy eyed Jeno, with bright red lips that shimmer under the faint light coming from outside and his fringe almost completely flopped down covering his pretty forehead. Renjun had always been attracted to Jeno, in the same way one would be attracted to the random stranger on the bus that caught your eye. It never really crossed that line because of the comfort of knowing Jeno could never see him that way. 

Except that comfortable bubble had been popped that night seeing as Jeno was all over him, and apparently didn't find that satisfying enough. Renjun didn't know how to process any of that, especially with a drunken brain. 

"I want you to." 

Jeno's hesitant expression slowly morphs into one of pure relief, his grin sends shivers down Renjun's spine and the urge to cup his face and kiss him is stronger than ever before, but Renjun holds back. He didn't know why, perhaps it still felt wrong, though it was clearly something Jeno wanted, Renjun had spent too long telling himself that could never happen. Kissing Jeno first felt like a sin. 

"Are you too drunk?" The man asks suddenly, his eyebrows knit together in worry and his hold softens. He backs away a bit and Renjun whines, or sobs, he couldn't tell the difference anymore. "What's wrong, i'm sorry." 

"I'm drunk but i know what i'm doing stop going away, you can't start this then go away you dick."

Jeno snorts and drags his hands upwards till they're around Renjun's neck, his thumb caresses the man's Adam's Apple as he leans down till their faces are so close that their breaths blend into one. 

"You're really pretty." Jeno whispers while looking straight into the other's eyes. "It's nice to finally say that out loud."

Renjun knows he's blushing, his face feels as if it might explode. It's humiliating, then again Jeno looks so good, always does to be fair, and he's fulfilling all of his fantasies that he was so certain would never come true. It's far too hard to keep himself together, so he merely melts against the door and allows himself to be vulnerable. 

"You think?" 

Instead of actually replying, Jeno connects their lips, shyly at first without applying any pressure, then he holds onto Renjun's chin and tilts it upwards before beginning to kiss him so intensely that Renjun's legs quiver. He places one of his hands on Jeno's nape and the other on the back of head and tugs lightly at the brown strands evoking a tiny grunt from the other that echoes inside their mouths. 

Nothing makes sense, but he's not trying to make sense out of any of it either. Renjun could be very rational at times but he was still lead on by emotions especially when it didn't come to anything work related. Except, in a way, Jeno was work. What they were doing wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't forbidden but definitely looked down upon. Not that Renjun cared whatsoever, he was drunk and, quite frankly, horny. How could he not when Jeno was ravaging his mouth like they were about to die tomorrow. 

After many minutes of exploring each other, Jeno seems to grow too impatient and, in a smooth motion, picks Renjun up and carries him on his arms towards the bedroom. It's not only him being impatient though for Renjun can't get his lips off the man's neck the entire ride, sucking, nibbling, licking, anything that managed to drag any kind of noise out of Jeno's lips.

He's placed in bed carefully, as if he's made of glass. Renjun whines immediately, missing the warmth of Jeno's body near his but Jeno doesn't waste any time getting on top of him. They stare at each other again and suddenly Renjun feels terribly shy as realisation hits. He looks away. 

"If you changed your mind it's okay."

He snaps his head to side immediately. "No, i want it."

Jeno nods and bends down slowly, he drags the tip of his nose down Renjun's neck and then tilts his head so his lips come into contact with the man's skin as he reaches his exposed chest. Renjun, understanding the memo, forces himself to sit up and throws his shirt somewhere in the room before eagerly grasping Jeno's head as he flops right down onto the bed. He closes his eyes as Jeno returns to his job of filling every inch of Renjun's torso with kisses and love bites.

As the man moves lower the space inside pants seem to shrink, he whines and wiggles under Jeno hoping the other would get the memo, but instead what he gets out of it is a loud moan from the other. His eyes shoot open, Jeno's cheeks had flushed red with embarrassment that he tries to hide with an awkward chuckle. 

"Can you take my pants off?" Renjun asks after a few seconds of appreciating the beauty on top of him. 

Jeno takes a while to snap out of his daze but eventually he does free Renjun off the tight jeans the man had put on. He doesn't return back to his previous position though and instead remains with his eyes trained on Renjun's boxers, or better yet, the little wet patch on top of the bulge that had formed on Renjun's crotch area. "You're making me shy."

"Sorry." He croaks out and swallows down thickly before crawling back on top of the other. "This is… Uh…"

"What?" Renjun frowns, confused as to what Jeno could possibly be trying to say. 

"Well i," Jeno clears his throat. "Can i blow you?" 

The other inhales sharply, those words alone shoot blood south making it even harder to hold back from wiggling against Jeno for some friction that might make it less painful. Renjun blinks a few times trying to not get carried away by the explosion of thoughts inside his head and finally consents with a nod. 

The cool air of the room makes him hiss as it contrasts with the heat oozing off him. That doesn't last long though for, soon enough, another kind of warmness wraps around him. Renjun gasps and throws his head back against the pillows, all he sees is stars behind his eyelids as pleasure begins building at the pit of his abdomen. It had been so long since someone had done that to him, everything felt ten times more intense than it should for that reason, or perhaps because it was Jeno. Only God knew just how much he had craved for it, but never thought it'd become a reality. 

Jeno's fingers trail around the sensitive area as the man gently bobs his head, Renjun hums slightly when the pad of the man's finger presses slightly too hard and then a shriek pierces the silence inside the room. Renjun snaps his eyes open immediately and is met with Jeno's mortified expression. "It's not a pussy, Jeno. That hurts if you just do it-" 

"Fuck." The man whimpers and looks down at his hand. "I got too into it i didn't even think, i'm sorry. What should i do?!" 

If the man's inexperience wasn't so amusing to witness then Renjun would've flipped on him immediately. It was clear, however, that he hadn't meant any harm, so he lays back down and relaxes again. Without looking at the other, he extends his arm until his hand wraps around the man's wrist. He breathes in sharply as he guides the other on how things were supposed to be done, he could feel Jeno's intense gaze on him the entire time, observing as the finger moved in and out slowly. 

"I wanna fuck you so bad, but i don't want it to hurt." Jeno blurts out and Renjun chokes. 

"Don't say those things."

The other shifts in the bed so that their eyes lock with each other. "Why? You like it?" Renjun doesn't reply, but he knows from the way his cheeks heat up that his face would answer for him anyways. "I see."

Soon enough, Jeno gets the hang of it and Renjun retracts his hand only to latch it to the top of the man's head to tug at the strands of his hair every time a wave of pleasure hit his stomach. It was all too much, from the way Jeno moved his finger to the way he licked and sucked around his erection, everything all at once overwhelmed him to the point where Renjun could've sworn his soul had left his body for good. 

"Jeno." He croaks out when he feels the build-up reach its peak. "You have to move."

Except the man doesn't. His movements grow more frantic and needy instead. Renjun tugs so hard at the man's hair that he worried he might rip it right out of its roots, but somehow the pain seems to serve as a stimulant for Jeno who moans loudly. 

That's when Renjun sees white. The vibrations were the last straw, he could no longer hold back. His back forms an arc as a high-pitched moan fills the room, and then, when he recovers from his high, his body keeps on twitching with every little touch. 

He refuses his open his eyes, exhaustion weights down on him like a rock. "I really want to repay." Renjun mumbles already half asleep. "But i might have to leave it for another time."

Jeno chuckles next him and pulls the other as close to his body as he possibly could. "I'll be patiently waiting for that then."

"Goodnight." Renjun whispers in the cutest way he could muster. 

A pair of lips press lovingly against Renjun's still scorching hot cheek and then move closer to his ear. "Sweet dreams."

It's not regret. Not quite. Whatever it is, though, consumes him the second he wakes up in bed, naked, exposed, limbs intertwined with Jeno. And it's fine at first, but just for the first few seconds before the memories come crashing down on him. Not the memories of the night before, rather it's the memories of the a past he had worked too hard to forget, or better yet, repress. 

He stares at the ceiling, tears begin to swell up in his eyes and suddenly there's a pressure on top of his chest unabling him from breathing properly. He's suffocating, yet his body refuses to move and get away from the remains of last night's events. 

When Jeno shifts besides him, Renjun finally seems to truly wake up. The man swings his legs out of the bed and gets up, he refuses to look back as he walks out of the room towards the bathroom, he didn't want to get a mental picture of the mess they had made, and Jeno in general. It'd make it real when all he wished was for everything to be just another dream of his. 

His eyes lock with his own in the mirror and that's all it takes, a cascade of tears pours out and rolls down his face, the droplets falling down in the sink. "Calm down." He whispers angrily at himself while staring at his clenched fists. "You're too old for this." But even then the tears refuse to stop, his attempts are practically useless, so he accepts his face and sits with his knees pressed against his forehead on the cold marble floor. 

He cries and cries, and eventually all the emotions inside of him seem to have finally been completely released leaving him feeling empty and alone. 

Renjun gets up again and washes his face to try and erase the breakdown he had just gone through. Jeno was a heavy sleeper, and hopefully he wouldn't wake up for many hours still, so instead of going back to their shared bed, Renjun grabs the pair of pants laying on the bedroom floor and the first hoodie he got his hands on, then leaves. 

It's not Jeno's fault, except maybe it is, but at the same time he knows it isn't. He consented to everything, heck, he truly did want what had happened, only God knew how many times he had fantasised about it. 

However fantasy and reality were different. In his fantasy world nothing had existed previously to Jeno, and whatever pain the man may cause him was brand new and didn't end up opening old scars. Reality was different, and reality hurt. 

So, even though it wasn't necessarily Jeno's fault, Renjun backs away. Not entirely, as that was not something he could afford, he still had to pretend to be dating the man whenever they went out, because no matter how much everything ached there were civilian lives at stake if he decided to prioritise himself. 

"You okay? Haven't looked okay in a while." Yuta blurts out, they hadn't left for lunch just yet and usually they'd work silently without bothering one another, so the sudden question makes Renjun look up at the other like a deer caught in headlights. "Sorry i don't wish to come off as nosy, but for a few days now you've been looking kind of blue. I know it's not my place, but it worries me."

Renjun gives the other a half smile, that's as much as he can manage. "It's alright, thank you for asking. I'm just stressed."

"Hey i know we don't know each other for a long time, i get that you don't trust me, but you don't have to isolate yourself. I'm told i'm a great listener!" 

"You've always been so kind, what'd i do without you." The man sighs. He hesitates a few seconds, there were risks to to admitting to any discomfort relating Jeno, however in an outsider's perspective, their relationship became more authentic if they showed they too had quarrels here and there. "It's Jaehyun, we haven't been doing very great lately and i don't have friends here so i feel quite upset, it's work, home to the same awkward atmosphere, and then back here to work."

"Have you guys talked it out?" 

Renjun shakes his head. "Not yet, though i suppose that's my fault."

"You're giving him the silence treatment." When the man nods, Yuta clicks his tongue. "You have to communicate!" 

"I know, i know… I'm acting like an immature teenager, but i'm still hurt so it's hard to start fixing things when you're healing."

"Whatever he did, did you allow him to apologise? A sorry often speeds up the healing process, you have to let him repent."

Renjun pursues his lips then grunts. "I know, man, i really do know all of this. I have to snap out of it."

Yuta nods and shoots him a gentle smile. "For your own sake, you do! And for my sake because my god i can't bare see you all sulky for eight hours straight and it's only been like three days."

"Ah-Ah! So those are your true intentions!" 

The other rolls his eyes while grinning, then threatens to throw one of his pens in Renjun's direction. "That's not it at all don't misinterpret!"

"Yeah, yeah." He snorts. "Wanna go eat?" 

"Hell yeah, i'm starving. Let's go."

Renjun spent the whole day envisioning how he'd be confrontational about his feelings, except when the time comes and he sees Jeno parked outside, his cowardice returns immediately. 

They greet each other with a peck, but as soon as the car doors are closed the awkward atmosphere swallow them whole again. Renjun feels as of he's suffocating in it, the words he wishes to say refuse to leave his lips. 

"They want us to talk to a specific priest." Jeno informs after a few minutes of pure silence. 

"Okay, i can go-" 

"We can go." 

Renjun swallows down thickly and doesn't say anything more after that. Jeno's face was stone cold and his voice harsh, he was clearly annoyed, or even angry. 

"Renjun please talk to me." The man finally says as he pulls the car to the side. "I can't fucking do this anymore i can't even wait till we get home just please talk to me."

The man is so stunned he can only gape like a fish outside of water as Jeno's gaze pierces him. 

"Do you regret it? Is that it? Was it that bad?"

"Jeno." He croaks out, if he spoke anything more he'd start bawling his eyes out and he knew so. 

"No." Jeno's authoritative tone sends chills down Renjun's back in both fear and another he emotion he'd rather never dwell upon. "For fuck fake you can't just give the silence treatment as if we are fifteen year olds." He growls. Then, probably noticing how scared Renjun had gotten, his shoulders sag down. "Was i pushy? I thought you wanted it too, you said so multiple times and didn't stop me the entire time… I'm sorry if you didn't actually wanted it and felt pressed into following my wishes. I was drunk and i get impulsive."

Renjun closes his eyes and hits the back of his head against the car seat. Even though he spent the entire day imagining every scenario where he'd need to be confrontational, now that it was actually happening it was proving to be harder than he first expected to voice out all of the thoughts crossing through his mind. For starters, was there even a way of explaining to Jeno he wasn't in the wrong while still not disclosing anything of his past to explain his actions towards him? Jeno was stubborn, he'd prod into his business if he didn't get a proper explanation. 

So even if he told him he wasn't the root of the problem and necessarily the reason he was acting the way he was, Jeno would not believe it. He'd think of it as an excuse. 

"Is there any way i can, like, redeem myself? Please tell me, i really didn't want any of this to happen. There were to ill intentions in my actions, i hope you can believe me." Jeno tries again after many minutes of nothing but awkward, stuffy silence. 

"It's not that… I did want it then." Renjun finally speaks. "I just… regret it now" He whispers, somehow hoping the other wouldn't hear it. 

"Why?!" 

"I'm not a toy, Jeno." He snaps with a loud shriek. 

The other frowns, it was clear that the assumption had not only offended him deeply but also confused him to no end. "When did i ever insinuate you were?!" 

"You, men like you, always think us gay men are some sort of toys they can play with when they're bored and feel experimental or whatever." And, just like that, as if a tap had been opened, everything Renjun had been trying to avoid flows right out of his mouth while it moved without his consent. 

Jeno's eyebrows knit together. "Thats no-" 

"You haven't been with a woman in months and you're prohibited of doing so, oh you must be so needy and desperate to want to fuck me. Laughable." He adds bitterly and, upon hearing his thoughts out loud, Renjun begins feeling small. 

"Is that really how you see me?" Instead of annoyance and confusion, this time around sadness flashes across Jeno's eyes. The shift is clear, Renjun could see it in the way the man's expression softens and his face drops. 

The dam stopping his inner thoughts from getting out had been broken, it didn't matter if Renjun hated to see Jeno getting hurt, his lips moved faster than his brain could beg for them not no. "Yes."

Jeno raises both his eyebrows and licks his lips. "Wow. Okay." He whispers while looking at the road ahead. 

They don't speak. 

Not for the entire ride. 

Not for the next few days. 

He checks himself in the mirror, once, twice, until it gets to the point where he has to ask himself why he's bothering so much with his appearance for a simple dinner get-together with his coworkers. Except perhaps those weren't quite the people he was aiming to impress as he comes to figure out after dwelling upon it for a few minutes. 

The sad realisation is that it's Jeno whom he wants to be noticed by. He wants to walk out of the bedroom and make the man stop ignoring his presence, he wants to finally feel seen. It's pathetic considering he had been the one dragging them into the state they currently found themselves in, and Renjun is aware of that hence why he decides to sit in the corner of the bed to rethink his life choices one more time. 

It wasn't his fault for doubting Jeno, till that day he couldn't quite accept that the man truly wanted him. He could be confused, or maybe he'd drop him when the chance of finding himself a woman to be with would arise. Perhaps, if those scenarios had happened merely once, then maybe Renjun would be more willing to try again, but that wasn't the case. He forbid himself from going through the same thing once again. 

Still, he missed Jeno. He missed his company, life felt too lonely with no one else to call him by his real name. He missed his embrace, as he now refused to go near him unless they were in public. He missed his smile, his voice, his goofy way of being. Now all he'd get to witness was the cold carcass of who was once Jeno Lee. 

The real deal was still there, it'd come out whenever they'd go to the club and Jeno chatted with other people. But whenever it was directed at him, it wasn't the same anymore. Even when Jeno had to pretend, the glint in his smile had vanished. 

Renjun sighs deeply and rubs his face. Hopefully they'd finish their job soon and then he could finally move on from all that had happened, Jeno would go on with his life and they'd never cross paths again just like before. So he knew that now, more than ever, all he wanted to do was find the culprit. 

"I'm going out." He informs while heading towards the door. 

Jeno perks up immediately, a reaction that Renjun hadn't quite expected. "Alone? Where to?" 

"Yuta's place, me and some coworkers are going to eat a meal together. Apparently that's a thing they do periodically and i wanted to fit in as best as i could." What he said was true, but not the entire truth. He also really needed a breather, staying at home felt suffocating. 

"Okay. " The man nods and pursues his lips. "Text me if anything goes wrong."

Renjun's eyes widen ever so slightly before he gets ahold of his body once more. It was surprising to see Jeno actually care, they weren't in public, the man didn't need to say anything at all. What Renjun had expected had been a mere mumble for a response. 

"I will. Don't worry, i should get home before midnight."

Their eyes lock and Renjun stops walking. Jeno licks his lips then opens his mouth but doesn't speak. After gaping twice, words finally flow out. 

"Stay safe."

The corner of Renjun's lips curl up and he nods. "Worry not."

Yuta's house is thankfully nearby, Renjun would hate to have to drive back home possibly tipsy for longer than fifteen minutes. He knocks on the door holding the pudding he had baked in the morning that would be his contribution to the gathering, everyone agreed that it'd be a good desert and hopefully Renjun would woo them all with his culinary skills. 

He rings the bell and waits for the door to open with a wide grin. When Yuta's kind face pops up, his smile widens, when nothing managed to comfort his loneliness as the man always was the closest to familiarity he managed to get hold of. "I was starting to get worried you might not show up!" He exclaims jokingly. 

"I wouldn't miss this for the world, what do you take me for?!" Renjun snorts then extends his arms to gift the man his desert. "Pudding, as promised!" 

"I can't wait to get a taste of that, we're already done with dinner you came at a great time. Come in."

It's bright inside, the entire house had been well light to appear even more welcoming to the guests. The lively chatter in the distance mixed with the warm yellow lights healed temporarily the sadness that had clung to him like a tumor for the last weeks, he knew that when he returned home to Jeno things would return to normal, however for the time being he was set on soaking in as much happiness as he could. 

Time passed by quickly, that was not shocking though. Renjun was the happiest he'd been in quite a while and unfortunately that meant time flew before his eyes. 

"I know you guys have to start heading home soon, so how about we make a toast?" Yuta suggest and everyone agreed enthusiastically. "Anyone want ice?" 

Yeji snorts. "You always find a way to use your precious freezer. If you melted all the ice you keep in there you'd water all the dry lands in the world."

Yuta chuckles and grabs her cup. "Watering dry lands can wait, for now, do you want some ice for your champagne or not?" 

"You already know i do."

Renjun watches the scene fondly. He didn't yet know how many years the two knew each other for, but clearly it had been a while. He missed his old colleagues whom he had already created a bond with just like Yuta and Yeji had, often he'd forget about them since he was too busy with other things, but thinking about it then made him think once more about just how much he wished he could get the mission over and done with already. 

It was just so terribly hard. The murderer was good at hiding his identity, they hadn't received any news from the central in many werks. They were dying up. 

Yuta returns with a bowl filled with ice cubes and champagne. "As the host i get to serve!" He exclaims then begins pouring the alcohol in the long yet thin glasses all around the table. "You're welcomed to use as much ice as you wish." After he's done talking, he looks over to Yeji and smirks. The woman smirks right back. 

Finally, when everyone is content with their drink, Yuta begins his 'speech' . "Here's to success! May out company not go bankrupt! Cheers!" 

Renjun throws his head back laughing, it hadn't been that funny of a joke, yet he was so thrilled to have such great company next to him that everything brought him joy. 

They all look at him, amused over his reaction, and then, slowly, one by one, his colleagues laugh as well. Soon enough the entire house fills up with many different types of laughter. 

If he could, he'd capture the moment forever. 

Renjun finds himself awake, however unable to move his eyelids, it was as if there was a strong force pulling them down whenever he attempted to open his eyes. He exhales loudly through his nose then whimpers, his whole body ached but the man could not recall why that could be so, in fact he could not remember when he had gotten home to begin with. It wasn't like he had drank enough to become so drunk he'd forget such a thing. 

He tries moving his arms to reach out to Jeno next to him, that's when he realises his wrists were constricted. Panic settles at the pit of his stomach. The more he came to his senses the more things made less sense, he couldn't move, he wasn't lying down after all and he definitely didn't have his pajama on either. Renjun tries calming himself down by breathing in and out deeply, letting his body get as much oxygen as it could to become strong. One of the first things they were taught was that they should always remain the calmest possible to think with a clear head and make the best decisions instead of instinctively acting upon the situation. 

So, instead of wiggling his body all around, Renjun focuses on opening his eyes so that he could begin figuring out his surroundings and how he could possibly react to them. Finally, after too many attempts to keep track of, the man manages to crack his eyes open. He blinks a few times as his vision was still blurry and slowly the room begins coming to come into focus, at first his brain doesn't manage to process what he was seeing, but then memories begin flashing across his eyes and he lets out a small gasp. 

Yuta's living room. 

He couldn't believe it. More than scared, Renjun feels sad. Disappointed. Betrayed. No training could have prevented him for the emotions that filled his chest at that very moment, somehow they hurt more than any knife that had ever ripped through his skin. 

Being upset, however, didn't bring any benefits to his situation. The man quickly turns on his rational switch and keeps scanning everything around him, to his right was the dirty table they had all eaten together in, to his left he finds a scene he had prayed to never come across at. 

"Jeno." He exhales sadly as he observed the unconscious man sitting right next to him, his head hanging low and, as his eyes drift downwards, Renjun comes across a small dark red stain in his abdomen. His mouth opens slightly in horror thinking Yuta hurt Jeno, however the cut seemed pretty superficial. 

Even so, it was clear Yuta's intentions were everything but pure. They weren't hurt badly yet, but surely they would be. Renjun feels tears begin forming in the corner of his eyes and tries his best to suppress them, showing weakness was a big No in any case of abduction, the criminals fed off it. 

He closes his eyes and thinks hard about what he could do. Of course, their team would come for the rescue eventually, Renjun had made sure to keep his phone's localisation on so they'd know where he was. However they'd only take action after seventeen hours without any updates from either and, usually, that'd be very little, but in this case, seventeen hours could be far too much. Renjun had no idea what Yuta had in store for them. 

Next to him, he hears a soft grumble, when he snaps his eyes open once more and looks to the side he notices Jeno had begun waking up as well. Yuta was still nowhere to be seen and there was no sound being made inside the rest of the house that he had picked up on so far. Either the man was away or hiding in a blind spot — it wouldn't be hard considering Renjun couldn't quite turn around to see what was behind him from the way he was tied to the chair. 

"Renjun." Jeno whispers weakly. "Are you alive?" 

The man's eyes twitch, he was clearly struggling to fully wake up just as he had. "I am, i'm just fine, don't worry."

"I'm glad."

Renjun smiles gently. It was all too cliché, suddenly being in that situation made him regret all the times he had pushed the man away due to his insecurities. All he wished to do was reach out to the other, but he hated himself because it needed things to get to that point for him to finally accept that maybe Jeno wasn't lying after all. He needed a life threatening situation to finally open his eyes. 

It was ridiculous. 

"How are you here?" 

"You were taking so long… So i checked your last location, and i headed here to see what was going on. When i rang the front door the motherfucker was standing there with a butcher's knife aimed at my stomach and threatening me to get inside or he'd kill me." The man croaks out and then swallows down harshly. "I tried to not give in easily and he stabbed be lightly, at that point i realised i had no chances against him."

Renjun observes the man's every expression shift with adoration and sadness, he wished he hadn't gotten involved in the mess as well. He couldn't bare the idea of them both having to die when one could've easily gotten away. Heck, they hadn't even arrested their killer yet. 

That's when he realises. 

"Do you think… Yuta-" 

"It's plausible." Jeno frowns. "Most likely what's happening over here."

Out of nowhere, a loud clap comes right from behind them, Renjun gasps with pure horror and tries shrinking himself though he knew that wouldn't do much. It was instinct, just like an ostrich hiding its head in the sand. 

"I'm so glad i could serve as a couple therapist, you guys seem to be doing just fine now! Weren't you at the verge of divorce before i even intervened?" Yuta says with a hint of amusement in his tone. "So sweet to see you get along."

The two other men don't speak, Renjun stares at the floor with empty eyes while Jeno keeps his eyes closed. Yuta moves in front of them, his feet drag against the floor sluggishly, he was going to take his sweet time with them, that much was clear. 

"Unfortunately, i have to start the procedure now. It's a very lengthy one so i don't have time to lose." He places his hand on top of Renjun's head and pats it a couple of time. "But i promise that when we're done, you'll feel free."

Because we'll be dead. Renjun wishes to bite back with, but he knew better, so he remains with his head hanging low. 

If only they could survive for the next half a day, if only they could find a way out. He steals a glance at Jeno by his side and pursues his lips. 

He didn't wish to be killed, but above all, he refused to let Jeno die. 

Chewing on his bottom lip to refrain from letting any tears fall down had worked to an extent, but Renjun finally breaks when Yuta manhandles Jeno so the other would sit only in his underwear in the empty bathtub. If he didn’t have an insight to the cases, he would be confused, but with the information they had on how the killings usually went, both of them knew exactly what was to come next.

Still, they let Yuta proceed with his little show.

“Y’know Doyoung, i feel like if Jaehyun over here had more of cool head you guys wouldn’t fight nearly as much as you do.” He grins as he taps the pad of his fingers on top of the freezer he had dragged all the way to the bathroom. “Or maybe there’s something that is even more wrong with you guy’s relationship.” 

Renjun locks his eyes with Jeno’s, he sees despair written all over them, but he also sees hope. They both still hoped to come out of the situation alive, as long as that feeling persevere then Renjun still managed to keep himself together for the most part. Without hope, he’d let go of his principles and dignity, he’d succumb like Yuta wanted. But they had been trained to survived situations such as those of great mental strain.

“It helped me, i feel so much lighter now when that devil is out of my system. But it’s hard work to get there, nobody has managed to stay strong through it all as i have, it’s a pity really.” He continues rambling as he pours ice cubes on top of Jeno’s body. “What is a little pain to such a big reward?”

It’s baffling to Renjun how someone could lie to themselves to that extent but, slowly, things became clearer. They had been chasing over a priest, however who they really should’ve looked for was a victim of their malicious therapy. 

Even as the man smiled seeing Jeno clearly not enjoying the freezing cold objects that covered his skin, Renjun still didn’t see Yuta as evil. Rather, the man was broken beyond repair. He had been so damaged by past experiences that it scarred his brain irreversibly, the lack of support probably didn’t help him get through his trauma either.

The entire ordeal is agonizingly slow, Renjun couldn’t believe he had to sit there, unable to move, watching as Jeno grew increasingly paler by the minute. Eventually his lips turn dark purple, when the ice already covered the entire area of his legs, that’s when panic strikes inside Renjun’s chest. It takes everything in him to keep himself from making a noice, for he knew Yuta might snap if he was to complain. Jeno too was clearly using all his might to keep himself as still and mute as a statue as well.

Punching Yuta would be easy, Jeno was stronger, the other man was far too lanky. However Jeno was still tied up, he could barely move, and even if he managed to get up and throw himself on top of the other, what good would that bring? Yuta could easily overpower them when they were constrained, struggling would only infuriate the aggressor. They had learned all about it years ago. Things written in a book, or taught in class, were completely different than actually living them though, Humans subconsciously have a reactions to protect their life, to fight against those was the biggest task they had been assigned with.

Even training was different because everyone knew that, if things got too hard, the teachers would end the practice right there and then. Renjun had never actually needed to use many of his skills during a mission, he had always managed to get the culprit before he had to get too involved, so everything that was happening was new to him and that terrified him the most. Perhaps Jeno, who had already suffered under the hands of a few bad guys, was dealing with things better internally, but seeing the man’s expression turn into a semblance of a zombie worried Renjun that, maybe, the other wasn’t managing all too well with the torture being inflicted on him.

After all, being drowned in ice was a different kind of pain from punches. 

It can’t be helped. After what felt like an eternity later, Jeno’s lips turn blue, his skin almost as white as the tub he had been dropped in, the man barely had the energy to keep his eyes open. Renjun begins crying then, the sight is too much to take, and since Yuta took so much time with his task, it had given him enough time to soak in that everything that was happening was very much real and not one of his bad dreams. 

Yuta, noticing the soft sniffling behind him, turns around. Renjun could’ve sworn his grin widened when their gazes met. A shiver runs down his spine and he looks down at the floor, as if that’d help him run away from reality. “We’re almost done, don’t worry.” The man comes closer, his gloved hands were soaked and dripped onto Renjun’s denim jeans alongside the tears that rolled down his cheek. “Once the ice reaches your hubby’s neck, we move onto you.”

No part of that sentence made Renjun feel at ease. He had hoped that perhaps what Yuta had meant by “We’re almost done” was that Jeno would get to leave that forsaken tub and he’d be the one to suffer instead of him. He wondered how long until Jeno suffered greatly from the torture, he couldn’t bare the thought of losing him in front of his eyes just like that.

Looking at him then, that wasn’t the man he once knew. Jeno looked more dead than alive, like a fish waiting to me bought in a fishery. That couldn’t possibly be the end of such a strong willed man, it was too much of a tragedy to let him have such a quiet death.

Jeno deserved an epic death at best.

Or to die of old age.

Jeno deserved a warm passing.

A sob rips through his chest before he could swallow it. He wondered how many hours had passed already, if things progressed the way they were, their colleagues wouldn’t get there on time. 

Hope dwindles.

“Renjun.” Jeno whispers, though it comes out more as a wheeze.

Renjun, who had been staring at the shiny floor for so long that his neck hurt, finally raises his head. He hates what he sees, tears begin forming instantly. “Yes?”

“I really… did.” He breathes in deeply. “Have… feeling for, you.”

“Please don’t make me cry more.”

Yuta had left a few minutes ago, the house was quiet as the streets outside. Renjun hoped he’d be alive to see the first sun rays peak through.

Jeno cracks a weak smile. “I just… wanted you to… know.” He stares at the other for a few seconds before sighing. “One last kiss, would be nice.”

“You’re not dying tonight, Jeno.”

“I am. You know, i am. It’s… okay.” He lets his head drop low enough that it hits the bathtub's border. "I'll die, with you face saved in my… memories."

As if a dam had broken, tears pour out of his eyes like a waterfall. The frustration he felt of not being able to reach out to the man was unmatched, Jeno could black out at any second, he just wanted to hold him close before that was to happen. 

"Please hang in there." He pleads. 

"You look pretty, even when you cry." His words begin sounding more sluggish, they come out slower, softer. Renjun shakes his head and a new wave of tears fall down his face. "Did you… like me… back?" 

Renjun laughs bitterly and then sobs. "I do. I'm sorry i wasted it."

"You.. have your… reasons. Surely."

A sound comes somewhere in the house. Jeno smiles at Renjun, as if trying to calm the other down for whatever was to come. However the other shudders in fear nevertheless. 

"Oh you're still alive." Yuta greets them both with a bright smile. "You're one of the strong ones. Well, in a few minutes your first session will be over. Y'know, I survived this three times! By the third you barely register the pain."

Jeno looks at him with his blue lips parted slightly open, Renjun knew he wanted to speak, but he doesn't. He thanks the other mentally for that, nothing good would've come out of it, if only Jeno managed to push through till the end then maybe there was a chance he could survive. The thought alone calms him down significantly. 

"So let's start, shall we?" Yuta says to Renjun as he places a box on the floor. 

He's seen those before. He knows what was about to happen. 

Jeno's already looking at him when Renjun searches for his comforting face, he too clearly is aware of what was to come. Renjun refuses to see what Yuta was up to, he feels the clips being put on his fingers and still he tries to remain as calm as he could. 

"You might enjoy this part." Yuta smirks as he types away on his phone. When the screen is put right in front of Renjun's face, all he sees is penises. Wherever he'd look. Nothing but genitalia. "The demon in you will take control, so we're going to punish it until it gets enough. Of course, just like your friend over there, this won't happen with just one session!" 

Renjun gulps, not because of the erotic view on the screen, but because he knew his pain tolerance wasn't the best. He could only hope his body was too scared to get turned on, if he behaved well perhaps Yuta would already consider him almost 'cured'.

The video plays. Renjun was too hyper-aware of Yuta sitting by his side holding the phone and Jeno dying in front of him. He thinks that there might an actual chance of not getting any punishment, but then, just as he was relaxing, a terrible sensation flows throughout his entire body making him shake in his seat uncontrollably. 

He turns to look at Yuta, Renjun felt furious, he had done nothing wrong. The other man quirks his eyebrow then proceeds to divert his gaze downwards at Renjun's crotch. Renjun furrows his eyebrows but he too looks down, and that's when he realises. It appeared that, even if his brain was somewhere else entirely, his body still involuntarily reacted to the porn. 

"Strike one!" 

Renjun pursues his lips. Perhaps focusing on an old wrinkly grandma would make him pass through the test, but even if he tried his best to fix his problem, nothing seemed to work while the masculine moans erupted inside his ears. 

Outside, the sun had already risen. His wish to live until the sunrise had been granted, and even though the waves of electricity make him feel dizzy and caused his entire body to ache, Renjun can't help but smile at the thought of not dying when the sun wasn't there to say its goodbyes. 

Yuta stretches his entire body and gets up. Renjun follows his every move with his eyes and then sighs with relief once it becomes clear that his torture session was temporarily over. "You two are strong, i shouldn't have undermined you." He smiles at Jeno laying on the floor, shaking violently while trying to warm his body up. 

It had been a while since the man finally decided to take Jeno out of the tub, but even then refused to help him with any kind of warmth. Renjun couldn't stand another minute of seeing Jeno being a second away from death. "Is he… Can he get a towel at least?" 

Yuta looks at him then Jeno, then back at him. After a few moments of silence to ponder, he finally seems to agree on lending Jeno one of the shower towels nearby. It wasn't much, especially for someone who was almost naked, but Renjun hoped it was enough. 

"I need a break, see you in a few hours." He informs nonchalantly, as if what they had been up to the entire morning had been a chill activity amongst pals. 

The door closes and then gets locked, the light thankfully is kept on. 

Renjun, who was still tied to the chair, tries dragging it closer to Jeno who was still in the exact same spot as he had been for quite some time. "How are you?" 

"Not good." Jeno breathes out. "Better now, you're close."

"I wish i could move more, i want to warm you up."

"Lay down. Let me cuddle you."

"How?" He pouts. 

Jeno tries moving but doesn't get very far. "If i had strength…" He licks his lips. "Lean back, till you fall. Carefully."

Renjun looks behind him to make sure he wouldn't hit his head against anything before leaning back until the chair finally falls. It hurts like hell, his body was sore and the impact only made it worse. Still, Renjun gathers the remains of his energy to wiggle his way next to Jeno. 

They stare at each other, there was so much sadness in Jeno's eyes, but there was something else in the too. Almost as if relief. The other rolls closer to Renjun, his legs weren't tied anymore, and since his wrists were tied in front of his chest, it made it easier to move about. 

The second his body comes in contact with Renjun's skin, the man hisses loudly. It was terrifying just how cold he was, it was a miracle he was still alive. If only Renjun could wrap his arms around the man's torso, he would, and he wouldn't move until Jeno was back to normal. 

Jeno snuggles himself against the other, he places his legs around Renjun's while his hands press against both their bodies. With his cheek squished against the man's chest and lower limbs intertwined, Jeno looks up and smiles widely. He was still terribly cold, but genuine happiness radiated off him. 

In a situation like that, Renjun couldn't believe the other could feel such a thing 

"If, we live. May i take you… on a date?" 

Renjun's eyes widen. "You're thinking about those things now?!" 

"A man has… to find something, to, hang, onto."

"Fool." He mirrors the man's smile without realising it. "And yes, many dates. I want them all."

Jeno doesn't say anything, he remains silent while admiring Renjun's face and, eventually, his eyelids begin closing. There was always the chance that that had been the last time Renjun had looked into Jeno's kind eyes, but he refused to wake him up. Jeno deserved to rest, and so did he. 

The mans bends his neck down slightly so his chin touched the top of other's head, and then closes his eyes focusing solemnly on the familiar smell of green apple shampoo that the other adored to use. 

If he tried hard enough, it almost felt as if they were back home in bed, and nothing had been more than a really bad dream. 

A loud bang wakes him up. 

He looks for Jeno and finds him awake as well still cuddled next to him. His lips were still a faint shade of purple, but he was significantly better than he was when they fell asleep. Relief washes over him. 

"What was that?" Renjun asks. 

"I don't know." 

They stay attentively waiting for any more clues of what had waken them up, but for a many minutes nothing could be hear.

Then, a gunshot. 

Just one. 

Silence follows once more. 

Renjun was absolutely terrified of what could've just happened. Why was there barely any noise? What was Yuta up to? Nothing made sense and it wasn't because of the fact that he had just woken up. 

Suddenly the doorknob turns, but the door doesn't open. Voices could be hear very faintly from behind, and then, after yet another period of silence, the familiar noise of a key being turned echoes inside the bathroom. 

Jeno looks at Renjun with confusion and panic to which the other replies by kissing the very top of his head. A false sense of security. 

The door swings open, and that's when everything begins making sense. 

It's not Yuta who they see, but a person dressed black from head to toe with their unit's name written in white on their chest. Renjun blinks a few times to make sure he wasn't seeing things, but even then he blames it on the exhaustion. It couldn't be, had they really survived? 

"Found them boss!" A female voice shouts, and then a group of loud steps could be heard coming in their direction. 

"Oh thank god we got here on time."

Renjun's vision goes hazy. He didn't know why, whether is was because he was extremely tired, or due to the torture, or maybe even the overwhelming happiness exploding inside him. Whatever it was, Renjun didn't care, he allows himself to black out. 

He was safe. 

He was alive. 

Jeno was alive. 

It was very bright, even from behind his eyelids Renjun felt as if he was staring directly at the sun. He forces himself to slowly open his eyes, perhaps he had truly dreamt that they got rescued, perhaps he was even dead, or perhaps he was still in Yuta's house. 

However, once he finally gets to see enough, Renjun realises he was in a hospital, the serum hanging above his head was a dead giveaway. The man opens his eyes fully and looks all around him, there was another bed near his at the other corner of the room parallel to his, but it was empty. 

He sighs to relieve the pressure inside his chest. It was okay to relax, he was safe. 

"You're awake." Someone says and, when Renjun looks to his left, he finds Jeno standing there, white gown on, hair as messy as if he had woken up just minutes prior. "How are you feeling?"

"Head hurts." He admits, though he hadn't quite noticed until asked. "You've been awake for long?" 

Jeno walks closer with a tiny smile on his face. "Well, i woke up like ten minutes ago, but i was awake yesterday already. You've been blacked out for three days or something."

Renjun's eyes shoot open. "What?! Three days?!" 

"You needed to recover, i'm glad your brain let you. Mine returned back to normal sooner than everyone expected." 

"So, how are you then?" 

"The ice burnt some parts of my body, but it's nothing too bad in my honest opinion. The worst is already over, actually being in the situation was what hurt the most. The effects of it weren't that severe, thankfully."

The other deflates with relief. "I can't believe you're alive, that we're alive. I almost saw you die in front of my eyes, it was terrifying."

Jeno's lips twitch, he goes silent for a few seconds probably reminiscing the situation. It was still all too fresh, too vivid. Surely they'd need to be assisted with mental support to get over it all. 

"We're okay now."

Renjun nods and extends his arm so Jeno could reach out and hold his hand. "Have they told you what happened? I could've sworn it hadn't been seventeen hours that we were kept prisoners."

The man sits on the bed. "Apparently Yuta had to leave that day, so we actually slept through most of the morning because he just left us there. By the time he returned time was almost over, our team got there and asked to look around because they couldn't just break in, and Yuta of course tried to resist. He was fucked either way. But yeah, while trying to stop him they had to shoot his leg so he'd be immobilised."

"So, we got lucky."

Jeno chuckles sadly. "Pretty much. If Yuta didn't have an urgency he would've resumed his 'therapy' sooner."

"It's over, and we're okay, that's all i care for. Whether it was luck or not it doesn't change those two facts." He says softly while petting Jeno's hand with his thumb. "I'm glad you're sitting here with me, talking, breathing. It was all i asked for."

A smile slowly forms on the man's lips, his eyes turn into crescents and his perfect teeth shine brighter than the hospital lights above. It was a refreshing sight. "So, about that date." He starts and gets up quickly. 

Renjun follows his movements with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, it's only when Jeno returns with a tray in hand that he understands what he was up to. 

"I might not be all dressed up, and i probably kind of stink, also the food isn't anything gourmet, but it is better than us having a date in hell." He smirks as he sits on the bed again but this time right next to Renjun, and then proceeds to place his tray on top of the movable cart near the bed. "We got soup, jelly, and some tea. Honestly i should probably ask for another dosage since this is just for me."

"Or warn people i've woken up."

"Fuck that! They'll start nagging and making exams, asking questions, bla bla, been there done that and i wasn't having none of it. Hell, we just woke up let us have it."

Renjun barks out a laugh and shakes his head. "It's their job, you're such an idiot."

Jeno scoffs. "Either way, we have the TV right there, so what do you say? Lunch while watching…" He squints at the screen. "Is this Twilight?" 

"I'm afraid so." The other giggles when Jeno clicks his tongue. 

"Well, maybe i'll enjoy it more than my younger self." He shrugs then turns to look at Renjun. "Everything is good if i watch it with you."

"Since when are you such a cheese ball?" 

"I'm only just getting started."

They look into each other's eyes in silence, Renjun worried the other might been able to hear his beating heart from how loud it had gotten. But still, he doesn't look way. He savours the opportunity to finally take in Jeno's beauty, and he thanks every divine force he could think of for keeping him alive. He was grateful beyond words to be sitting next to the man like that, it felt like a second chance to start fresh, to let go of his past and see Jeno for what he was and not a mirrored version of his past experiences. 

Of course he was still scared. However he had almost lost Jeno once, he refused to let go of the opportunity that had been granted to him to make things right. 

He leans forward, just a tiny bit to put an end to the remains of space between their lips. Kissing Jeno after so long, and after almost not getting the chance to ever again, felt completely different. It wasn't butterflies he felt, it was more as if a minefield had exploded inside his body. Never before had he felt joy in such an intense way. 

Jeno wraps his arms around him to pull them closer and deepens the kiss even further as if he was starving for more. Renjun bites, sucks, nibbles, everything he could think of to try and boost the already soul ascending sensation that kept on bursting with every little touch. It was overwhelming, but in the best way possible. 

Finally, after both almost suffocated from not breathing for far too long, they break apart. Renjun pants while grinning and Jeno looks almost as if fucked out, his lips were bright red — a sight that felt ten times more beautiful after all that happened — and his eyes unfocused. 

"You okay?" Renjun chuckles and pokes Jeno's nose. 

"That was…" The man breathes out. "Wow."

He couldn't help but laugh, the man seemed so out of it, it was comical. "Alright guess we should just stick to the movie then."

"Oh fuck the movie." Jeno blurts out before grabbing Renjun's face and crashing their lips together once more. 

Fireworks go off again just as intensively as with the kiss pior. That's when Renjun knows he'd get addicted to the sensation, he already was to be quite honest. He allows himself to be though, he grants himself that small treat as a reward. 

Being alive never felt so sweet. 


End file.
